For The Love of Comics

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I’ll be there, will you?

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I just noticed that I haven’t updated the blogroll in almost a year and, even then, it was a pretty haphazard process.

So, it’s time to clean that thing up. If you have a blog, podcast, webcomic, or just a website that you’d like me to add to the blogroll, make your pitch here.

I’ll be removing some of the entries on my blogroll, too. So, while most spots on there are secure, you may want to defend your spot if you have one. You know, just to be safe and all.

And yes, it’s quite possible that I was prompted into this by Shawna Benson having the idea first.

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For roughly the past year, speculation on the health of Steve Jobs, and what it means for his position at the head of Apple, has been rampant. His decision not to deliver the keynote address at this year’s MacWorld Expo only fueled the speculation.

Apparently, Steve has gotten a bit sick of the rumors, as he released an open letter, titled simply “Letter from Apple CEO Steve Jobs” to address the speculation.

Dear Apple Community,

For the first time in a decade, I’m getting to spend the holiday season with my family, rather than intensely preparing for a Macworld keynote.

Unfortunately, my decision to have Phil deliver the Macworld keynote set off another flurry of rumors about my health, with some even publishing stories of me on my deathbed.

I’ve decided to share something very personal with the Apple community so that we can all relax and enjoy the show tomorrow.

As many of you know, I have been losing weight throughout 2008. The reason has been a mystery to me and my doctors. A few weeks ago, I decided that getting to the root cause of this and reversing it needed to become my #1 priority.

Fortunately, after further testing, my doctors think they have found the cause — a hormone imbalance that has been “robbing” me of the proteins my body needs to be healthy. Sophisticated blood tests have confirmed this diagnosis.

The remedy for this nutritional problem is relatively simple and straightforward, and I’ve already begun treatment. But, just like I didn’t lose this much weight and body mass in a week or a month, my doctors expect it will take me until late this Spring to regain it. I will continue as Apple’s CEO during my recovery.

I have given more than my all to Apple for the past 11 years now. I will be the first one to step up and tell our Board of Directors if I can no longer continue to fulfill my duties as Apple’s CEO. I hope the Apple community will support me in my recovery and know that I will always put what is best for Apple first.

So now I’ve said more than I wanted to say, and all that I am going to say, about this.

Steve

So there.

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Before I dive into this one headfirst let me start with this (Click to enlarge):

That my friends [What are you, John McCain? ~D] is the LATEST teaser image released by DC Comics, courtesy of Newsarama, which was attached with a question from Dan Didio: “Can you find all the clues in this image?” I don’t want to ruin the fun by telling you guys what clues I was able to find, but I would like to talk about what has all of us Batman fanboys quaking like crack fiends in between fixes. Who will be The Bat?

Thankfully, Grant Morrison will not be penning this one, which I’m sure puts Dustin’s heart at ease [I think Peter Tomasi should write this and anything having to do with Dick Grayson.  Ever. ~D again]. Tony Daniel will be taking over here in both the writing and art aspects. (Let’s be honest, he can’t do much worse than Morrison did.) So, before Battle for the Cowl officially kicks off in March, let’s take a look at the possible competitors:

Dick Grayson
The Prodigal Son. Dick Grayson has been at the side of the Dark Knight longer than anyone has (Aside from Alfred of course). Following the tragic death of his own parents Dick Grayson was taken in by a sympathetic Bruce Wayneamd soon became the first Robin. [Actually, depending on the continuity, Bruce was the first Robin ~D] After stepping out from beneath the shadow of the Bat, Grayson became Nightwing and set out to become his own man. Over the years Nightwing has really come in to his own.  It would be a shame to see an end come to the Nightwing identity, but can you really see the next Batman being anybody other than Dick Grayson?

Tim Drake
Over the years since Tim Drake put on the red tights he has really come in to his own. When I think of Robin I think of Tim Drake; Drake is the definitive Robin, but is he strong enough to become more than that? In recent months we’ve seen Robin go through hell and have to be Gotham’s only protector in the absence of Batman, battling off gang wars, Jason Todd, Lynx, Anarky, and a fake Red Robin, mostly arranged by Spoiler in an attempt to make Tim “better.” After handling all of this at once and doing pretty good at it, has Tim proven himself capable of being the next Batman?

Jason Todd
Jason Todd has always been the black sheep of the Bat-Family. He was taken in by Batman with the idea of making Todd into something better and channeling his rage for a better cause. Despite Batman’s best efforts, the second Boy Wonder was always a loose cannon. During A Death in the Family, we saw an angst filled Jason Todd searching for his mother only to be captured by the Joker and brutally beaten to death with a crowbar. Later, Jason Todd was brought back to life by Superboy’s reality punch only to fall out of the public eye almost entirely. But is it possible that Jason Todd could surprise us all and win The Battle for the Cowl?

Ted Grant
Even Wildcat has a stake in this fight. As an expert martial artist and master of countless fighting styles, Ted Grant definitely has the moves. Having trained Batman himself, Grant shares the same will and is obviously capable of carrying on the mantle. But will he?

Thomas “Hush” Elliot
Thomas Elliot, in my opinion, is one fucked up dude. Over the short amount of since his introduction into the Batman Universe, he has gone out of his way to tear down Bruce Wayne and destroy everything that he loves. It all started in Hush when Elliot exploited his friendship with Bruce Wayne and the death of Jason Todd to launch a devastating attack on Batman.  Most recently he was the main villain in the Heart of Hush story arc in which he removes Selina Kyle’s heart from her chest while keeping her alive with technology given to him by Mr. Freeze then performs plastic surgery on himself to look exactly like Bruce. Now that he has the mask of Bruce, will he be able to take on the face of Batman?

Harvey Dent

Former District Attorney Harvey Dent has always been a wild card. With all of his actions decided by the flip of a coin, Two-Face is an erratic man of chance. For a time, he was cured of his split-personality disorder, had his face restored by plastic surgery, and stood in for Batman during his year-long journey of self-discovery [See 52 ~ the indomnitable D Man]. Upon Batman’s return, Dent was reunited with his “darker” personality and re-scarred his face himself to again become Two-Face. Now that Batman appears to have left again, will Harvey Dent once again become the protector of Gotham?

Out of this list of competitors who will lay claim to the cowl? The Prodigal Son? The Boy Wonder? Perhaps someone darker? No one know until Battle For the Cowl kicks off in March. Until then we’re all left asking ourselves: Who will be the Batman?

Honorable Mentions:

Damian Wayne
Though Damian is an underdog here there is still a chance -  there are some crazy writers out there, after all. I think it’s fairly safe to  say that Damian WILL have a substantial role in the Battle for the Cowl and that his future is almost certainly as the next Robin.

Katherine “Kate” Kane
Katherine Kane, the current Batwoman, deserves some mentioning here. Though I find it doubtful she will have much of a role in Battle for the Cowl, she has really come into her own. Who knows, maybe she’ll become an official member of the Bat-Family?

Selina Kyle
I really don’t see Catwoman vying for the cowl, but I do see her interfering with Thomas Elliot’s efforts. She could be a huge factor in the story.

Alfred Pennyworth
Former spy in the Queen’s service, expert medical training, mechanic, chef, Father Figure to Bruce, and he does windows!  My money says “Watch Alfred.” I obviously don’t think he will be fighting to become the next Batman but I am interested to see who he throws his support behind.

Harleen Quinzell
I’m honestly not entirely sure why she has been in the current solicitations from DC but she has my attention. What role will she have?

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This, my friends, is a sign of the apocalypse.

Found via Mike Sterling

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• Waiting Out The Competition
  Posted on Monday, December 1st, 2008 in Miscellany - Comments: (4)
  The past week has seen significant progress in my super-secret (until now) plot to take over the interwebs through total slackitude and generally doing nothing.
• Blah blah blah, Dustin shouldn’t let me have access to this thing…
  Posted on Thursday, December 4th, 2008 in Miscellany - Comments: (6)
  I have trouble finishing things. I’ve been told I’m fairly interesting and creative (but then again, most of the people I know are about as interesting as gravel and shrubbery.
• Somethin Somethin In My Pants
  Posted on Sunday, December 7th, 2008 in Miscellany - Comments: (1)
  I really should make AJ or Midknight post this, since they’ve already outted themselves as having the mental and humor capacity of twelve-year-old boys, but the hell with it - this shit was funny.
• For The Love of Ranting - Why Am I Still Reading Hulk?
  Posted on Monday, December 8th, 2008 in Hulk - Comments: (7)
  While I was reading Hulk #8, I had to ask myself “Why in the hell am I still reading this crap?Mike Sterling suggested that I still read because it’s “loud, stupid fun” and that it’s really okay to enjoy it.
• IT’S ALL TOO MUCH!!!! (That’s right, FOUR, exclamation points)
  Posted on Saturday, December 13th, 2008 in Marvel - Comments: (11)
  SECRET INVASION IS OVER! Now the Marvel Universe can take a few months to settle down and recover before the next Universal Catastrophe occurs!
• Ultimate X-Men Retrospective
  Posted on Sunday, December 14th, 2008 in Marvel - Comments: (1)
  The idea for Ultimate Marvel was born with the new millennium. With an eye towards attracting newer, younger readers, the Powers That Be sought to create a new universe, and populate it with familiar characters, with various twists thrown in.
• Frank Miller’s The Spirit Worse Than Battlefield Earth?
  Posted on Monday, December 15th, 2008 in Dark Horse - Comments: (4)
  People, I think I may be about to cry.It was bad enough when Punisher: War Zone, a movie that I was really and truly looking forward to, turned out to be damn near unwatchable.
• Marvel, Nick Fury, and the Secret Warriors Kick Off New ARG
  Posted on Wednesday, December 17th, 2008 in Marvel - Comments: (2)
  Marvel appears to be firing up their viral marketing machine with an Alternate Reality Game to promote their new Nick Fury series Secret Warriors and - as anyone who followed my updates on the Dark Knight viral campaign knows - I love me some viral marketing and ARG’s.
• Disappointed in D’Orazio
  Posted on Wednesday, December 17th, 2008 in Miscellany - Comments: (6)
  Some of you may be aware of some posts that Valerie D’Orazio (Occasional Superheroine) has made disagreeing with Neil Gaiman and the CBLDF over their defense of the right to own drawn depictions of children in sexual situations.
• Ultimate X-Men Retrospective - The Millar Era
  Posted on Tuesday, December 23rd, 2008 in Marvel - Comments: (0)
  Okay, here it goes. I’ve spent the last week (give or take about six days) rereading the entirety of Mark Millar’s run on Ultimate X-Men.
• Fox Owns Rights to Distribute Watchmen Film
  Posted on Thursday, December 25th, 2008 in DC - Comments: (0)
  This just popped up on my feedreader and, after sharing it with a few friends, has already elicited some very strong responses that can’t be reprinted even here, so you know they’re bad.
• FOX ANGERS MILLIONS ON COMIC FANBOYS! RIOTS ENSUE AS THE PRICE OF SUPERHERO TIGHTS SKYROCKET!
  Posted on Thursday, December 25th, 2008 in DC - Comments: (3)
  So what comes out next year that we Comic Book Fanboys and Fangirls have been simultaneously looking forward to and absolutely dreading?
• New Featurette Explores Themes In Watchmen
  Posted on Wednesday, December 31st, 2008 in DC - Comments: (1)
  In a newly released featurette, Watchmen director Zach Snyder talks about the main characters of the movie and comic and discusses some themes of the story, including what being a superhero does to you.

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In a newly released featurette, Watchmen director Zach Snyder talks about the main characters of the movie and comic and discusses some themes of the story, including what being a superhero does to you.

Also, if you think about it, we get to see some of the key scenes of the movie.

Watchmen Exclusive

Damn, this movie looks pretty.

Let’s just hope that Fox backs off of their current plan to delay the release and the studios settle soon.

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So what comes out next year that we Comic Book Fanboys and Fangirls have been simultaneously looking forward to and absolutely dreading? That’s right! NOTHING. Fox has won the rights to the upcoming Watchmen movie according to IESB.net. Now before you light your torches and sharpen your blades, nothing is confirmed as to whether or not the release date will be pushed back yet again or if the movie will be canceled altogether but I for one, am worried.

DC Comics, a division of Warner, created The Watchmen in 1986 and since then the book has become one of the largest milestones in the Comic Book industry as a whole. Now Fox comes along just months before the release of the movie and decides to claims rights to the title. Warner obviously pushed forward, ignoring Fox as much as they could, continuing their mass marketing of the movie. Back in the mid 90’s Fox was given the opportunity to do something with the title (Why Warner did this I have no idea.) but they did nothing with it. So here we are now. Fox can potentially cancel the movie completely and piss off all of us and there is nothing we can do about it.

Unfortunately there is not much more to be said here other then…

FUCK FOX!

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This just popped up on my feedreader and, after sharing it with a few friends, has already elicited some very strong responses that can’t be reprinted even here, so you know they’re bad.

Federal Judge Gary A Feess issued a ruling earlier today (now yesterday for me, Wednesday the 24th) stating that “Fox owns a copyright interest consisting of, at the very least, the right to distribute the ‘Watchmen’ motion picture.”

Here’s the article from the Los Angeles Times:

LOS ANGELES — In a surprise ruling, a federal judge in Los Angeles said he intended to grant 20th Century Fox’s claim that it owns a copyright interest in the “Watchmen,” a movie shot by Warner Brothers and Legendary Pictures and set for release in March.

The decision was disclosed in a five-page written order issued on Wednesday. Gary A. Feess, a judge in the United States District Court for Central California, said he would provide a more detailed order soon.

Fox has been seeking to prevent Warner from releasing the film. The superhero adventure, based on the “Watchmen” graphic novel, is being directed by Zack Snyder (who also directed “300”) and has shaped up as one of most eagerly anticipated releases for next year.

A Warner spokesman, Scott Rowe, declined to comment on the ruling and the studio’s plans.

At an earlier hearing, the judge said he believed that issues in the case could be settled only at a trial, which was scheduled for late January. On Wednesday, however, Judge Feess said he had reconsidered and concluded that Fox should prevail on crucial issues.

“Fox owns a copyright interest consisting of, at the very least, the right to distribute the ‘Watchmen’ motion picture,” the ruling said.

Fox acquired rights to the “Watchmen” graphic novel in the late 1980s for the producer Lawrence Gordon, but eventually dropped its own plan to make a movie from its story, about the underside of life for superbeings.

Mr. Gordon later pursued the project with Universal Pictures, and then with Paramount Pictures, before shooting it with Warner and Legendary under an arrangement that allows Paramount to distribute the film abroad.

In ruling on Wednesday, Judge Feess advised both Fox and Warner to look toward a settlement or an appeal.

“The parties may wish to turn their efforts from preparing for trial to negotiating a resolution of this dispute or positioning the case for review,” he said.

It seems fairly obvious to me that it’s in the best interests of both Fox and Warner Brothers to work out a settlement and release the film, but many fans are going to be very nervous over the holidays.

Update: MTV’s Splash Page pointed out something that had slipped under my radar. Fox and Warner Brothers have also been arguing over the distribution rights to the 1960’s Batman TV series - Fox wants to release them on DVD, WB has been blocking them. Perhaps a potential benefit to their settlement will involve WB finally allowing Fox to release those DVD’s.

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Okay, here it goes. I’ve spent the last week (give or take about six days) rereading the entirety of Mark Millar’s run on Ultimate X-Men. Though it has a few continuity gaffe’s that my esteemed blogmaster enjoys jumping on like a rabid dog, ["blogmaster's" note: Fuck you, AJ] the run is overall a brilliant reimagining of some of the most beloved characters in comic books. Now, if you’re looking to read a no-holds-barred Spider Jerusalem-like destruction of everything Ultimate, you should probably come back in a few weeks when I get to the Robert Kirkman era…that isn’t going to be pretty. For now though, I’m going to take you through thirty-three (mostly) fantastic issues spread over half a dozen arcs (and the Ultimate War crossover).

So here we go. Please keep your hands and legs inside the blog at all times.

The Tomorrow People - The first issue of Ultimate X-Men starts off with a bang…or more accurately, a series of bangs, booms, and “oh fuck” moments. We’re reintroduced to a world where mutants are a relatively new occurrence, and the normies are understandably freaked that they may not be the numero uno beings on the planet much longer. Of course, they express this fear in the form of giant robots called Sentinels that swoop in and kill anything with unfashionable DNA…a little extreme, no?

We’re then given our first taste of Ultimate Magneto, an Ultimate Badass and mutant-supremacist. This sounds familiar, but what’s interesting here is that Magneto is once again a clear cut villain, as opposed to the somewhat tamer and more redeemable character he has become in the Mainstream Universe lately. While I’m a fan of Magneto as a a hero, or anti-hero, or whatever he might be from one X-Book to the next, the cold menacing version presented here is the perfect villain. A few issues later we’ll see this dude rip out a motherfucker’s pacemaker for failing him…this guy means business.

Anyway, the comic then moves on to introduce you to its main cast, a combination of the original X-Lineup, and later favorites. First up is Henry McCoy, whom we meet in a San Diego bar as he quickly dispatches a pool cue wielding attacker over his mutant appearance, only to be tossed out of the bar in to the snare of the young and hot Jean Grey. Far from “Oh my stars and garters!”, this dude seems like a badass. Not that the original Beast couldn’t hold his own…but c’mon “stars and garters”? The sixties were weird man. Next is hot young car thief Ororo Monroe, who young hot psychic Jean Grey busts out of a small Texas sheriff’s office, using some nice mental manipulation. Then we’re in New York, where Russian Mobster Piotr Rasputin is selling a suitcase nuke to some terrorists who double cross him and wipe out his crew. Piotr turns to steel and survives, but at the cost of outing his secret (well, one of them…the dude has a few). He fears this will mean bad things for his family (the big guy is only working for the Mafia to protect his family), but Jean Grey is there again to comfort him and welcome him to the X-Men.

Now that the recruiting is done, we see the team all suited up for the first time and given their codenames (nothing new there). We also meet Scott Summers, team leader, and Charles Xavier, the brains behind the operation. Though these two are pretty similar to their 616-counterparts (just younger), this scene is interesting in that right off the bat we see Xavier doing some questionable manipulation of the minds of some men working on the school. Though it seems harmless, the ethics of such things, and how often Xavier actually influences and controls the thoughts of others will come in to play a fair share of times during Millar’s run. Also interesting here is the revelation that Xavier’s old buddy Magneto was the one who crippled him in this universe, a change I much prefer over the Shadow King being responsible for Charles; injuries. The X-Men are then sent off on their first mission, to gather the final addition to their team (for now) - fifteen year old Bobby Drake. Sentinels inevitably get in the way, and the team works together to save the day only to be nearly lynched by a bunch of ungrateful human fuckers. Why does life suck with people with sweet powers? This action-packed first issue ends with Magneto calling in his top assassin to take out his old friend Charlie…that assassin being Wolverine!

As the first arc goes on, Millar continues to deliver new takes on familiar characters, all while delivering a more than satisfactory story. Issue 2 involves Wolverine being “recaptured” by Weapon X, lead by a now human (and white) John Wraith, and then busted out by the X-Men as part of Magneto’s plan to kill Xavier. The one thing Magneto failed to plan for, though, is Wolverine buying in to Xaviers dream, if for no other reason for having the hots for young Jeannie. Millar expertly picks and chooses aspects of X-Continuity to include in his new creation. He also does a fantastic job of not falling in to the trap of telling the exact same story as the mainstream universe, except for one often inconsequential difference (this is the problem that Kirkman can’t seem to get past in the latter half of his run on UXM). Instead, Millar tells a fantastic new story, and happens to share some similarities with the 616 universe.

This initial arc culminates with the Master of Magnetism reprogramming the Sentinel force that has been sent against his Savage Land paradise, and launching an attack on Washington D.C. The attack is thwarted by the combined efforts of the X-Men, and Magneto’s perpetually maligned son Quicksilver, who steals his father’s telepathy-blocking helmet, allowing Xavier to take control of Magneto and seemingly kill him.

The next six issues of the series - Return to Weapon X - introduce us to another batch of reimagined characters, including Nightcrawler (A ruthless teen with no hint of the Catholic beliefs held by the original incarnation), Rogue (Actually fairly close to the original version), Sabertooth (dubbed by John Wraith “A poor man’s Wolverine”) and Juggernaut (Not related to Xavier and not powered by a mystical gem, just a strong ass mutant). These guys have been forcibly recruited in to the Weapon X program and have come to the school to do the same to the X-Men. Ironically, Wolverine had been away trying to locate Weapon X and is the one member of the team not captured.

This is also where one of the continuity issues that Dustin [Mr. Blogmaster to you, kid.] gets a boner discovering comes in to play. Though initially S.H.I.E.L.D. is said to be a “Global Peacekeeping Force”, within the same arc, the organization is shown to be part of the US Government. Also interesting to note is that the original depiction of Ultimate Nick Fury in this arc varies greatly from the later Sam Jackson inspired Fury that Millar introduced in The Ultimates. Instead we get a black version of the same old Mainstream Fury, a styling and profiling secret agent. [Hi, "Blogmaster" here again. I maintain that the Samuel Jackson Fury is alot closer to the 616 version and this Denzelle Washington Fury is more like a black James Bond, but this is AJ's post so I'll just let him keep being wrong]Some X-Men are forced to go on a rescue mission when Fury is captured, while a second team infiltrates an enemy base. This leads to an awesome moment where Jean is forced to choose between executing a scientist (who is spouting off about his wife and kids) and letting Scott die. Of course, she saves Scott’s life and kills the scientist, though the decision will go on to haunt her.

Later on, when the head of S.H.I.E.L.D (General Thunderbolt Ross) explains that Weapon X is going to be shut down and all of it’s captives released, Colonel Wraith stages a coup and takes control of the organization by way of a bomb in Ross’s office. His reign doesn’t last long however, as the Brotherhood of Mutants (now lead by the less destruction oriented Quicksilver and Scarlet Witch) helps bust the X-Men and Weapon X mutants out of the Weapon X facility. Colossus shows off his willingness to kill to accomplish his goals for the first time, which will come up again later in the series. Jean, on the other hand, is still shaken by her execution of that scientist, and uses her powers to stop Colossus. The lines are drawn between the team, showing who is willing to kill and who isn’t. Storm is on the willing side and whips a lightning bolt at the helicopter of the escaping Colonel. Nightcrawler teleports in and saves Wraith in the nick of time, and out of gratitude Wraith decides to put a bullet in the young German kid’s head. Instead he gets three in the chest himself, delivered by the just arrived Nick Fury, who is backed up by a shitload of S.H.I.E.L.D. troops. Wolverine then shows up, having beaten Sabertooth in their epic fight, and reveals that he called his old buddy Nick and set up this plan. Fury goes on to become head of S.H.I.E.L.D. and the X-Men return to the Institute, after their offers to join the team are laughed off by the members of Weapon X, who go their separate ways. Back at home Xavier makes a mysterious offhand mention of the rehabilitation of Magneto…but isn’t he dead? Very interesting.

You Always Remember Your First Love – Here’s where Ultimate X-Men hits its first snag, and I get to stop doing a by the book review of how awesome the series is, and dig in to something. Still, it should be noted that this two issue story is penned by Chuck Austen, not Mark Millar, so Millar’s almost perfect record when it comes to UXM remains intact.

This arc is a departure from the adventures of the X-Men, and instead follows the exploits of (sometimes) loveable rouge Remy Labeau. When a little girl witnesses her mother’s murder by the villain Hammerhead (a Spiderman villain inexplicably used here…because he’s supposed to be a mobster in New York it makes sense, but considering the dude has about five lines in the arc and four of them are “You’re dead!”, it could’ve been any random mobster), she escapes his clutches and befriends the street performer Remy. Within three pages or so she is kidnapped again, and instead of immediately executed, the villains keep her alive for no good reason. Gambit spends most of the two issues trying to track her down. He finally does, blows shit up, and rescues her…then leaves her with two complete strangers who he didn’t trust before and did nothing at all to prove they aren’t going to molest or murder this poor orphan. Seriously…that’s all there is to this arc. The story had a lot of potential, and maybe two cool moments in all, but in the end everything comes out blah. Why the fuck does this Cajun feel the need to protect this little girl, and find her when she goes missing? Sure, it’s shown that his father beat him or something, but little to no explanation is given. The two characters barely bond, and in fact the little girl is annoying as shit. If I were Remy, I would’ve been happy to be rid of her.
Sadly, the most interesting thing in this arc is the offhand mention of bad deeds Gambit had committed in his past with a man named Nathaniel Essex. This is interesting, because we later meet Essex (or Mr. Sinister, as most probably know him) and he isn’t the scientific mastermind his mainstream counterpart is, but is instead a stuttering, tattooed, possibly psychotic thug. To my knowledge, the connection between the two characters has never been addressed, and is something I’d like to see.

World Tour – After Austen’s debacle, Mark Millar takes the reins back for awhile, and without missing a beat delivers what is possibly the greatest arc of Ultimate X-Men. First is a standalone issue that sees Xavier writing an article on his school and beliefs, as well as taking Colossus to the park. At the park, they see a man playing with mentally handicapped children…and Xavier reveals that the man is Erik Lenscher.  You read that right. The hint given at the end of Issue 12 is expanded on, and it’s confirmed that Magneto’s death was actually a mass illusion perpetuated by Xavier, who instead wiped the villain’s mind and hopes to rehabilitate him and reintroduce him in to society. This issue is also noteworthy for subtly setting up a few threads that will be followed up more in the future. These are Beast’s online relationship with a supposed mutant supermodel (who is actually the Blob from the Brotherhood…yuck). Now that he’s all blue and furry, he’s having trouble in his relationship with Storm. She doesn’t care, but he’s being a bitch…go figure. Also shown is the warmer relationship between Magneto’s children and Xavier, whom they refer to as Uncle. Xavier is shown influencing (without his powers mind you) the twins leadership of the Brotherhood, and nudging them in a more peaceful direction. Finally, Cyclops and Toad have continued the friendship they struck up during Scott’s stint in the Brotherhood during the first arc, and spend hours at a time on the phone talking about Lord of the Rings and things like that. Interesting.

Now, on to the actual World Tour arc, where Ultimate Psylocke, Moira Mactaggert, and Proteus are introduced for the first time. Proteus is reimagined as an amalgamation of Xavier’s son David Heller, and Moira’s son Kevin, and is appropriately named David Mactaggert. David’s powers manifested the day after Charles abandoned his family to work more closely with Magneto, and he’s been in stasis every since. Meanwhile, the X-Men are in Europe while Xavier does an international book tour. They foil various everyday evils but Colossus becomes frustrated with Xavier’s non-violent beliefs and leaves to go home. At the same time, Charles is informed that his son has escaped, so Jean and Scott are sent to talk to Colossus in Mother Russia while the rest of the crew heads to Scotland. After being filled in on the situation, the X-Men track down David just as his host body is heavily decaying (His excessive powers cause his body, or whoever he possesses to rapidly decay). Wolverine attacks too fast and is taken over by David, who gets excited at the prospect of a body that won’t burn itself out on his power. Like a retard however, he gets so excited that he jumps in front of a truck, which fucks Wolverine up so bad that the kid has to jump out of him…oops. Meanwhile, Colossus wants a normal life…boohoo.

Interestingly, this is where we get the first hints that Piotr may in fact be gay, which is an awesome twist on an old favorite. Still, when he hears about a Russian submarine crew trapped in the depths, and realizes he’s their only hope, Piotr returns to heroics and saves the sub, then returns with Jean and Scott to the X-Men. The trio return just in time for the final battle with Proteus…who it’s revealed has been possessing Betsy Braddock (in this version, she’s a member of S.T.R.I.K.E…the British S.H.I.E.L.D.) since jumping out of Wolverine. Fighting ensues, and David has the upper hand for awhile, even teleporting himself and his dad around the world and destroying large groups of people in all the cities Xavier was supposed to visit on his tour. David also plants the suggestion in Beast’s head that Xavier may be using his powers to make Storm love him…it isn’t true, but it bugs the shit out of poor Henry. The battle rages as Iceman is badly wounded, but the X-Men catch a break as Agent Braddock manages to regain partial control of her body long enough to allow Colossus to smash her with a car, ending her life along with David’s. The threat over, the X-Men gather at David’s funeral…where Xavier announces that he is disbanding the team.

This arc closes how it started, with a standalone issue. Xavier writes of his intentions to disband the team, while the team fights a hardcore offshoot of the Brotherhood of Mutants called Magneto’s Acolytes. Later one, while Beast breaks his relationship off with Storm (dumbass…),and Jean and Scott finally take that leap everyone’s been waiting for since Issue 1,  Xavier goes to unblock the memories and powers of Magneto. He ends up talking to Erik first, where Mr. Lensherr reveals himself to be a believer in Xavier’s pacifist ideals. When he shows Xavier the ticket he willingly bought to see him speak at Madison Square Garden, Xavier cries and thanks his old friend and enemy for reaffirming his belief in his teachings.
I can’t tell everyone how fantastic of an arc this is. Brilliant pacing, brilliant dialogue, brilliant action…everything is perfect. This is how comic books should be, and exactly what made Ultimate X-Men such a great series way back when.

Hellfire and Brimstone – This arc follows a few different storylines that eventually all come together. First off, we’re introduced to the Ultimate Shadowcat, who is pretty much the same as her original version…just a normal girl who walks through walls. She joins the Xavier School for Gifted Youngsters, but her concerned mother makes Xavier promise to keep her from going on any combat missions, due to the injuries suffered by Bobby Drake in the last arc. Bobby is still recovering, and his parents are suing Xavier because of what happened. Meanwhile, Wolverine is bitter about Jean and Scott’s new relationship, which leads to blows between him and Scott. As punishment, the two are sent on a mission to the Savage Land together. Of course, Kitty Pride, angry about being left out of combat missions, stows away in the Blackbird! Though she’s told to remain at the Jet, she doesn’t listen (of course) and saves Cyke and Wolverine from a mutant supercomputer that has been killing people and reanimating their corpses to do its bidding. Kitty phases through the computer monster which destabilizes the circuitry and destroys it. Of course, the zombies are pissed, and the three have to fight their way out.

Meanwhile, the Hellfire Club reveal themselves to be Xavier’s mysterious benefactors, and ask to meet with him. Xavier get’s giddy like a tween meeting the Jonas Brothers, and so he takes Jean, Ororo, and Piotr to a banquet in their honor. Unfortunately for them, the Hellfire Club is in fact worshippers of the ancient being, The Phoenix, of whom Jean Grey is the physical host. After the Inner Circle (lead by Sebastian Shaw) knocks everyone out and takes control of Jean, they proceed to summon the Phoenix. Of course, they don’t count on their God remaining loyal to Jean’s friends, and obliterating every member of the Inner Circle. She saves Shaw for last, transferring the entirety of the Club’s finances to Xavier before burning him to cinders. Jean/Phoenix then proceeds to start making the world a better place, until Xavier tells her to knock it off. That part doesn’t make much sense, but he believes this is merely a manifestation of her powers, not a real diety, so he calms her down and she returns to normal. With the Hellfire Club defeated, all is well…except not.

You remember Beast’s online girlfriend, right? Well, he gets pretty attached and let’s slip that Magneto is still alive…to a room full of Brotherhood members. Prosimian, an evolved ape who is unhappy with the more benevolent leadership of Quicksilver and Scarlet Witch, decides to take matters in to his own hands. Blob sets up a meeting with Beast, and then beat him up and take the information of where Magneto is. The Brotherhood goes to find Magneto and have Mastermind take away the mental blocks. Magneto proceeds to thank Prosimian by imbedding a lamp in his back. Take that you traitorous chimp-fuck! If you thought Magneto was ruthless before, just wait till you see what six or so months of forced humanity has made him into.

Ultimate War – I’m not going to go on about Ultimate War for too long, but I just have to heap some more praise on this series for a moment. This is a fantastic crossover, and one of the best I’ve ever read. What makes this crossover so awesome? The answer is simple and familiar…Millar. Not only does Mark Millar know his stuff, but what really makes this crossover work is that the scribe is crossing over two titles that he is writing and responsible for creating in the first place. Millar knows how these characters work, and meshes them perfectly.
This four issue mini is predicated on fear, mistrust, and paranoia. The government, having believed Magneto dead like everybody but the X-Men, assumes that the X-Men and Brotherhood have been working together all along, and brand the X-Men as traitors after Magneto signals his return with a terrorist attack on the Brooklyn bridge. The X-Men hide in a safe house in New York while the Maximoff twins go to the Ultimates for protection. Of course, they don’t do shit, and Magneto attacks the Ultimates and cripples Quicksilver by blasting out both his kneecaps (a fate worse than death for a speedster). This is Magneto’s only major action in this story, as he seems content to let his enemies battle it out while he cooks up his greatest scheme yet.

The X-Men suffer another blow when Wolverine and Shadowcat return from the Savage Land with terrible news…Scott Summers is dead. Though Jean refuses to believe his death and thinks Wolverine had something to do with it, this isn’t elaborated on until the next UXM arc.
Eventually the Ultimates and X-Men come to blows in a series of intense battles, expertly written and drawn by Millar and Bachalo, respectively. The Ultimates barely manage to gain the upper hand, but end up winning the day by capturing Professor X, though the rest of his students escape. Also interesting to note about this arc is the first indication that Wolverine is older than expected, when Captain America reveals that he knew him as “Lucky Jim Howlett” back in World War II.

Return of the King – Mark Millar’s swan song on Ultimate X-Men and this arc is a blast from start to finish. The arc kicks off with a look at Magneto’s relationship with Charles Xavier, from their days as close friends all the way through when their ideological differences caused Magneto to cripple his former friend. The Prelude ends with Magneto telling his new lackey (Sabertooth) that his resolve has merely been strengthened by his six months as a human, and that he has big plans.
The rest of the arc follows the X-Men as they try and foil Magneto’s plans and remain out of the hands of the US Government. We’re also introduced to Ultimate Forge, reinvented as a genius teenager who is creating a machine for Magneto to use that will reverse the polarity of the Earth’s magnetic poles, destroying something like 90% of the Earth’s population. Magneto is a sick bastard, huh? While hiding in the home of a human family (their presence masked by Jean’s powers..but not their creepiness) a hologram of Magneto appears to tell them of his doomsday machine, and that they have seven days to join him in his conquest or be destroyed along with humanity.

At the same time, Cyclops is revealed to be alive, and Jean is revealed to have been right that Wolverine intentionally got Scott out of the way so he could win her affections. Wolverine lets Scott fall down a huge chasm and leaves him there, where he lays broken for weeks before being rescued by members of the Brotherhood of Mutants. While Scott is being rescued, Beast and Storm reconcile in San Francisco and rekindle their broken relationship.

Magneto then sets about using his machine to amplify his powers a thousand fold, while his men break all the mutants (including Nightcrawler and Professor X) out of the X-Factor camp at Guantanamo Bay. A healed and ready for action Cyclops blasts Magneto in the back and calls in the X-Men (rejoined by Iceman after he refuses to sue his friends just to make his parents some money) for reinforcements.  The two groups of mutants do battle, including Wolverine winning round two against Sabertooth by decapitating him with one swift blow. Determined to take as many humans with him as possible, Magneto destabilizes a nuclear reactor in Florida with his amplified powers, deciding to give the East Coast of the US “their own Chernobyl”. While the team pummels Magneto, Xavier and a group of mutants (including Rogue) go to save the day in Florida, which they do, putting an end to the Master of Magnetism’s schemes once again.
After the battle, Wolverine admits to his wrongdoing and tells Cyclops he deserves whatever beating he gets. Cyclops agrees and gives him one intense optic blast, then kicks him off the team.  The X-Men are actually greeted as heroes for once, which surprise them. They then surrender themselves peacefully to the government, and instead of being prosecuted they are brought under S.H.I.E.L.D. jurisdiction. Nightcrawler and Rogue join the team, and Betsy Braddock is revealed to have survived her death at the end of the World Tour arc, having implanted her mind in the body of a young Asian woman (Kwannon) who had been in a coma at the time and was ready to move on when given the chance. Betsy even thanks Colossus for killing her, saying the “death experience” was fascinating. Beast’s parents, having turned over a new leaf, embrace their mutant son (though not without a three book deal and cosmetic surgery). Finally, Thor talks to Jean (from one god to another) about how there are some things even Charles Xavier doesn’t understand.

In his final issue on the book, Mark Millar gives us a beautiful wrap up of the story so far, with Xavier visiting Magneto in his plastic cell (like in X2) to talk. While the two old friends chat, Cyclops tracks Wolverine to the Canadian wilderness and finds him fighting, killing, and eating a bear (fuck yeah!). Cyclops offers Logan a chance to return to the X-Men, saying he was wrong to kick him off the team. Wolverine at first declines, but when Scott produces evidence that Wolverine was once married, they depart together in the Blackbird. Back in Erik’s cell, the two men debate their positions, with Xavier maintaining that he believes Magneto can be rehabilitated, and Magneto maintaining that humanity will never deserve the compassion Charles shows them. And though he claims to hold his children in utter contempt for their betrayal, he shows an interest in knowing how Pietro is recovering from the wounds he inflicted. This shows that under all of his malevolence and megalomania, there is a man who still cares for his children and once loved a human women…Xavier leaves his friend alone, still hopeful.

And with that, Mark Millar’s run on Ultimate X-Men ends.  If you didn’t notice throughout this entire ordeal, I’m a huge fan of these thirty three issues (err…except Austen’s two), and everything Millar did with my favorite mutants, and their universe as a whole. Next, I’ll move on and take a look at his successor as Ultimate X-Men scribe…Brian Michael Bendis. We’ll  take a look at the good, the bad, and the interesting of Bendis’s short but influential run on this title.

AJ’s Legacy of Ultimate Madness:

• The Manifesto

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